We won't be taken down

It was Monday. A usual Monday in December. Cold. Cloudy.
My life has been flat for the last years, I didn't find it interesting enough to be written in the blog.

It was that Monday. I went to work in the morning. Nothing special happened except me discovering some mistakes on the experiment data. Never. trust. your. computer.
Who likes Monday, anyway?

Whoosh. Fast forward to the afternoon. After my saxophone class I went to have dinner with Mr. Neighbour at the Christmas market not far from where I live. Well, Christmas market is one of the highlights of December. It made the cold winter bearable. Glühwein and potato puffs (with apple mousse) are things you must buy from the market, at least once.

Because I planned to leave Berlin for several days and by the time I was back, the market would be closed, Mr. Neighbour suggested that we had potato puffs there.  So, our favourite place was this particular stand with a little kitsch decoration. It looked like a night club in the 70s. They also played oldies and Christmas songs, which would stay in your ears for hours after leaving the place.

With potato puffs and glühwein on the table, the Christmas in Berlin was complete. It was a normal dinner, really, until several minutes later. We heard quite disturbing sound. Boom! The light chains were moving like crazy as if somebody was pulling and waving them. I told myself, "Maybe a Christmas tree fell down". The lights of the stand across the street was out.

I continued my dinner, although the urge to find out what really happened was there. One thing I learned is that to always stay away from any incident site. We never know what would happened. Two old women behind me walked outside to find out what happened. One came back and said that a truck ran into the market. I didn't take it seriously and told Mr. Neighbour that the two women were being paranoid by associating the incident with the one that had happened in Nice, France. Sirene was heard. Police or ambulance was arriving.

We finished the dinner as if nothing happened. While waiting on the line to return the glasses and plates, one security guy came in and ordered the stand to be closed. The owner didn't like it. The security guy kind of screamed, "What the heck? Some people are dead and you still want to continue opening this stand?"

We walked out the stand. Policemen were outside, asking people to leave and setting police line. I looked around, tables were broken. One stand which sold Christmas decorations wasn't in a good shape. It didn't stand straight anymore. I just wanted to go home. I had a bad feeling. I checked the Internet. Nothing about the incident has been reported yet.

Fifteen minutes later I was home. I turned the TV on. There it was. It was claimed as terrorist attack. Ten people were dead, around 40 were injured. Berlin was in emergency state. I got a goosebumps. My days would never be the same again.

* * *

Two months after the incident. Flowers and candles are still there to remember those who lost their lives. Walking through that place gives you different feeling now. That place will always be the witness that we won't be taken down by such a terror attack.

C(h)oke Bottle

Okay, many people know, Agnes Monica aka Agnez Mo (in her way to go international she has changed her name, or at least her stage name) has launched her first single with Timbaland.

Long before the launching, there was a youtube teaser video of her performing in a club somewhere (claimed to be in the US). Well, in the video, she is dancing but barely putting the microphone before her mouth. Is that really her singing? Or? Well, you know it.

As a used-to-be fan of her when she was a child, I am not so impressed with her mature look and ambition. I mean, she is just simply a copycat mainstream singer. When Pink was popular, she tried to be like Pink: leather jacket, pink punk hair, underground video. Then came Rihanna – she is just like Rihanna wanna be. Then came Beyonce, her concert is just Beyonce-like. Even a friend of mine joked that Beyonce got the concept of the concert from her. And then Lady Gaga, and… well, you know it. Just name any prominent US Divas, she might have copied every each of them.

Inevitable, some of her news stuck in my timeline in twitter. Well, you know, she is famous. More or less, I know what she is up to from her fans aka lovers.

Several weeks ago, she tweeted that her single was at the top of a website, which happens to be the place for illegal downloading. Fine. But, you don’t have to be proud that your hardwork is pirated, right?

At the same time, I saw a tweet about another Indonesian musician, Addie MS. His album topped the iTunes chart. He was surprised, even when he got the news from Apple itself. How about our diva-wanna-be idol? She promoted herself. Of course, with the help of her “lovers”.

So, out of symphathy, I retweeted the link, mentioning her. I wanted to say, being humble never hurts. It is better than campaigning all over the world without a concrete result. Then, here comes the interesting story.

One of her fans told me that her song is not sold in iTunes Store Indonesia, but only in the US and Australia. I couldn’t compare it to Addie MS, whose album “only” charted the Store in Indonesia (although I can also find it in the US Store). Fine. I went to the US iTunes Store, searched with some keywords (including the “alay” one like Agnez Mooohhh – ah, it reminds me of a cheese advertisement). And tadaaaaaaa……. Nothing!

I later learned that her single was released last week. And as usual, her fans are screaming that her single is charting the iTunes Store in the US. Ouw, not bad. Her dream might come true. Searching in Google, what I found were some websites written by Indonesians living in the US. Maybe one of her friends who happened to let her stay at his house.  Here is the funny part of the blog:

“People here in the states may not know who she is, but Agnez Mo happens to be the most decorated pop star in Indonesia. (Feel free to go to Wikipedia and provide more info).”

Well, you count on Wikipedia to decide somebody is famous? (Go create your own page and you are famous!).

As a matter of fact, I think it is unfair if I only look for information created by “haters”. So, trying to be neutral, I went to iTunes Chart Top 100, with the hope to find her face there. At first, I was so happy that I thought I saw her face at position 3. But too bad, it was not her, it was her idol, Lady Gaga. Ah, maybe she imitated Gaga so well that I couldn’t differentiate them anymore.

So, in order to verify the news, I tweeted the link and mention her. Who knows, she might give me some insight. Then came her lover, maybe without even clicking the link, stated that the link I posted was made by haters. Hello? Tell me how this website can be a hater-made http://www.apple.com/itunes/charts/. Even if they are, they won’t even sell her single  at the first place.

Well, at least, I got what I wanted: reading her fans reactions. You know, they are bunch of fanatic fans with no…. Ah, you decide.

A Tooth Fairy's Tale

When I was studying in the States, we were required to do some sort of assignments called “reflexive questions”. It consisted of several questions about activities you have done and how you felt and what benefits or loss you might conclude from the experiences. The purpose: do something, learn from it, which in the end, learn about yourself. That, plus the great possibility that I suffer from histrionic personality disorder (really, the more I think about it, the more I am sure I have a personality disorder), makes me reflect on what has just happened to me and the reason behind it.

Some of you who have known me for quite a long time – especially if we went to seafood restaurants quite often – might have seen me crushing crab shell or opening a bottle of beer or biting off a label tag with my teeth. You might have felt the pain within yourself, as if YOU yourself had done one of those things.

Well, last weekend I had toothache (again, the same tooth for probably the last three years). I knew it clearly, as it has always been, that I wasn’t fit. This particular tooth was filled when I was in the high school. And everytime I am dehydrated or about to catch a cold, it hurts, as if giving me signal that I need to pay attention to my body and health. I took it for granted. I drank a lot of water, slept or recuperated myself as soon as I noticed the signal. Good thing is: the pain went away as soon as my body was fit again.

But, this time, things are different. The pain stayed put. It dragged my gum since Thursday (or probably Wednesday) and didn’t go away until Monday, regardless what I did to reduce it. On Tuesday, I decided to see a dentist, which I believe is not anyone’s favourite thing. The dentist decided to drill a hole in that tooth so that the heat, as a side effect of inflammation on the gum, to break out from my mouth. I had to go back the next day. He couldn’t pull it out as the inflammation was still there. “Come back tomorrow and hopefully it is fit enough to be pulled,” he said.

On the next day, I was ready and so far three dentists have handled me. The newest dentist tried to pull the whole tooth. This is understandable as it takes shorter time, less work and everybody is happy. But he failed.

“I need to cut the tooth into two so that I can pull each part of the root,” he explained.

I looked at the four surgery lamps above me with the hope that they could blind all my senses. Maybe this is why people hate going to see dentist.

He finally cut it and tried one more time. I don’t need to explain how it felt like when he hold the half-tooth and made a circular movement. He couldn’t do it, either. Oh, good. Then came the second doctor, a rather cool one with ponytail. He took a look and took over the surgery. Oh, man, I bet he does weightlifting quite regularly. I even felt numb on my anaesthetized left jaw when he finally pulled out one part of the tooth.

Thanks. That helped.

The new doctor continued the work. After a little more efforts, he finally took the second part.

Oh, thank God.

“Wait, what is this part?”

Wait. What?

“There is something more. Be patient, we’ll be finishing soon,” he looked at me smiling, trying to soothe me.

After the cracking and wooshing sounds from the machine, the tooth was finally gone. And here comes the explanation.

“Your tooth has three roots, that’s unusual. As you may have known, most teeth have two roots only,” he showed me a picture of anatomy of tooth. “We didn’t see it on X-ray because the film is two-dimensional, and this one hide behind the other.”

“Another thing that makes our surgery today a little difficult is that the root is not pointy at the end as the usual root. Yours are a bit thick at the end. Imagine pulling a bended nail,” he smiled.

As a bonus, I was allowed to see my tooth before it was thrown away. I saw at least six pieces bloody calcium. 

What a tooth!

After that I kind of thought to myself: That is why, I was able to bite off those hard things. Some of them might have more than two roots. I felt grateful that I decided not to wear a brace seven years ago. Maintaining my uniqueness is more important than having the same look like others as I might be defined by my teeth.

Eternal Rivalry and The Victim

One, who is a psychology student or having interest in psychology, should know Sigmund Freud.  Well, in case you don’t know, he is (or was, I am having difficulties to decide which tenses to use) the founding father of Psychoanalysis – once one of  the popular fields in psychology. And his fundamental theory about personality is the Id, Ego and Superego. Some people, including me, have difficulties differentiating those three, which are responsible for our behavior. Some of you may argue that his theory is outdated. But believe me, if you trace deep enough through the modern psychology, you will come back to these famous three.

Okay, enough about psychology and Freud. Let’s talk about those three directors of ours. Id is the part of you, that wants to enjoy the life as pleasantly as possible. That includes all the hedonic urges in you – hunger, sex, buying expensive but unimportant things. On the other hand, there is the police of the mind – the Superego – who regulate or limit the Id so that you don’t live like animals or simply destroy yourself with those desires. So, everytime you want to do something - or behave - these two legendary rivals will fight, or I should say, negotiate. Imagine the devil-and-angel thing like in films or cartoons. The result, or the treaty, of the negotiation is the Ego, things you finally express in your behavior – smiling and say no when a stranger gives you something or nod your head in front of your parents although you didn’t agree with what they say.

And of course, there come times when your Id is so strong but your Superego is surprisingly diligent in doing its work. For example, you want to swear (name all the derogatory words, mostly marked with derog. in a dictionary) but your social values don’t allow it. One thing I find interesting is how our Ego turns out to be, accommodating the hateful feeling yet socially accepted.

Instead of saying the word that means excrement, some people say “Shoot!”, with the same intention and tone of swearing, of course. Some replace the word which means sexual intercourse with “Fudge!”. If you are following the series How I Met Your Mother, you will learn many replacements – such as surgeon for a person who hasn’t had an intercourse or witch as in wicked witch to refer to seducing, annoying behavior of a woman or sandwich as a reference to the leaves that is illegal in most part of the world. In this way, they are safe from trouble: when somebody got mad, they could say, “I didn’t say the bad words.” At the same time, their loath was expressed.

Some people go smarter. Instead of showing one forbidden finger, some show three fingers with the caption “read between the lines”. Or pretending to rub their chin or eye, but the only active finger is that particular finger – as for this one, some do it subconsciously – and here comes another theme: defense mechanism. Oops!

Remember: there will always be a negotiation between Id and Superego within you. And the result is your Ego, for example, this article (and the avoidant of some words, oh, you know what I mean).

Common Courtesy

If you are attending a meeting, a lecture or a conference in a hall, what are the common courtesies, especially regarding the noise?

Would you talk your friend sitting next to you every two minute or so?

No.

Even if you wanted to talk, would it be about the on-going lecture or mostly something totally unrelated to the topic?

Preferably regarding the topic: something I don’t understand, something I find interesting, something I want my friend to discuss with me later on.

Would you turn your phone to silent mode?

Yes. But sometimes I forgot and the host reminded the audience. It would be very embarrassing if my phone rang when the hall was silent.

If you didn’t know how, would you ask your daughter or somebody else to help out?

Good idea. My daughter might understand the gadget better than I do.

Even if that didn’t help, would you turn it off instead?

Uh, yes. I decided to attend the meeting, lecture, etc. That means I have already dedicated my time to the event. Unless something really urgent took place, other things going through my phone should wait.

Good. At least you know what the common courtesies in the meeting hall are.

Unfortunately, some Indonesians do not know these courtesies, at least in the event I was in today. Let me tell you more.

Every last Sunday of the month, there is a ‘sarasehan’ (discussion forum) at Rumah Budaya Indonesia (Indonesian Cultural Center) in Berlin. People (mostly German) who had been (or currently) living, working or studying in Indonesia are invited to share their experiences. It is a good way to learn about Indonesia, which is very rich in cultures and natural resources. And today’s topic is Makassar and I found this very interesting because as a person living in west part of Indonesia, Makassar and eastern Indonesia is as foreign as Timbuktu to me.

It started (surprisingly) on time with a guest speaker from Jakarta, a staff from Educational and Cultural Minister, proposing and asking feedback for government's plan to disseminate Indonesian Cultural Centers in several countries.

And so I was sitting quite in the middle row because the first 10 rows were occupied. Behind me sat two Indonesian women. One was in her 50-60s. Another one was in her 20s, probably her daugther. They were sitting next to the guest speaker’s assistant. As soon as the assistant left the seat, the two women started to discussed whether or not the assistant were married, whether or not she had close relationship with some prominent figures in Indonesia. They stopped when the assistant was back.

As the second speaker started to speak, the two women also started their own conversation. At the beginning it was about what the speaker was talking about. Oh, the speaker spoke German and without microphone. So, one of the women might not understand that well and need some explanation. Since my German is not good enough, I need to really listen, too.

Ten minute later, the women changed the topic: where to go on the weekend? why was A so late? what to buy for the house? Started to feel annoyed, I looked back with the hope they understood and stopped talking. Previously, a German woman had given the same look to them. They looked at me back, smiling. Good. They seemed understood my non-verbal language. Oh, I am glad I study psychology.

Two minutes later, the same thing happened again. I moved my chair a little bit forward, again, with the hope they understood I was disturbed. I wouldn’t care should they spoke some languages I didn’t understand. But I understood Indonesian and their voices were audible without me having to ‘really’ overhear them. I am a poor audible person and with the two ways of information sources, my mind found difficulties to divide the attention (although I didn’t want to know what they were talking about, but because I understood the language, my mind automatically processed the information, plus I needed extra concentration because my listening to German was not so good). Trying not to be rude, I applied every non-verbal language I could think of at that moment to tell the two women.

Ten minute later I gave up.

I decided to be a little bit assertive. I asked the two women not to talk too loud. The younger woman turned and looked at me. Her brows were raised closer, her left part of the lips were raised. Her head were raised a little bit. She rolled her eyeballs to the left, looking at me one more time. But after that, they decided not to talk and communicate using their Blackberries.

A ha!

Being assertive was not that bad at all. I got the silence for almost all the lecture until I heard a regular “triiiing” – typical BBM tone. But since it was almost at the end of the lecture and the ringtone didn’t break my attention, I could only shake my head everytime I heard the “triiiing” sound, again, with the hope they realized what they were doing.

After the lecture, I was relieved that I was finally free from the disturbance. I stood up and decided to go to toilet. I was waiting for the next person when the same woman looked at me disgustedly and furily from the line to the lunch table. It was the younger woman who sat behind me. I tried to smile but it didn’t seem to help. Everytime she had a chance, she looked at me, with the same expression. She and her family were talking to somebody working at the Embassy.

Maybe she thought she knew somebody important here and I didn’t have the right to tell them what to do in a meeting? Or who the heck was this new guy trying to tell me what to do in my territory?

Let me tell you girl, you are a representative of your country. Know the common courtesy and show a good image of an Indonesian. That will help creating good image of Indonesia abroad. Knowing somebody important in the Embassy doesn't mean you can do whatever you like. This rule applies everywhere, girl.

Okay, even if you thought my request was too direct and feel offended, hello??? How long have you been living in Berlin if you are not used to the openness and directness of Berliners? You may maintain all your values from Indonesia but if you don’t try to adapt and adjust to the new culture, believe me, you are not going anywhere.

Till we meet again.