Common Courtesy

If you are attending a meeting, a lecture or a conference in a hall, what are the common courtesies, especially regarding the noise?

Would you talk your friend sitting next to you every two minute or so?

No.

Even if you wanted to talk, would it be about the on-going lecture or mostly something totally unrelated to the topic?

Preferably regarding the topic: something I don’t understand, something I find interesting, something I want my friend to discuss with me later on.

Would you turn your phone to silent mode?

Yes. But sometimes I forgot and the host reminded the audience. It would be very embarrassing if my phone rang when the hall was silent.

If you didn’t know how, would you ask your daughter or somebody else to help out?

Good idea. My daughter might understand the gadget better than I do.

Even if that didn’t help, would you turn it off instead?

Uh, yes. I decided to attend the meeting, lecture, etc. That means I have already dedicated my time to the event. Unless something really urgent took place, other things going through my phone should wait.

Good. At least you know what the common courtesies in the meeting hall are.

Unfortunately, some Indonesians do not know these courtesies, at least in the event I was in today. Let me tell you more.

Every last Sunday of the month, there is a ‘sarasehan’ (discussion forum) at Rumah Budaya Indonesia (Indonesian Cultural Center) in Berlin. People (mostly German) who had been (or currently) living, working or studying in Indonesia are invited to share their experiences. It is a good way to learn about Indonesia, which is very rich in cultures and natural resources. And today’s topic is Makassar and I found this very interesting because as a person living in west part of Indonesia, Makassar and eastern Indonesia is as foreign as Timbuktu to me.

It started (surprisingly) on time with a guest speaker from Jakarta, a staff from Educational and Cultural Minister, proposing and asking feedback for government's plan to disseminate Indonesian Cultural Centers in several countries.

And so I was sitting quite in the middle row because the first 10 rows were occupied. Behind me sat two Indonesian women. One was in her 50-60s. Another one was in her 20s, probably her daugther. They were sitting next to the guest speaker’s assistant. As soon as the assistant left the seat, the two women started to discussed whether or not the assistant were married, whether or not she had close relationship with some prominent figures in Indonesia. They stopped when the assistant was back.

As the second speaker started to speak, the two women also started their own conversation. At the beginning it was about what the speaker was talking about. Oh, the speaker spoke German and without microphone. So, one of the women might not understand that well and need some explanation. Since my German is not good enough, I need to really listen, too.

Ten minute later, the women changed the topic: where to go on the weekend? why was A so late? what to buy for the house? Started to feel annoyed, I looked back with the hope they understood and stopped talking. Previously, a German woman had given the same look to them. They looked at me back, smiling. Good. They seemed understood my non-verbal language. Oh, I am glad I study psychology.

Two minutes later, the same thing happened again. I moved my chair a little bit forward, again, with the hope they understood I was disturbed. I wouldn’t care should they spoke some languages I didn’t understand. But I understood Indonesian and their voices were audible without me having to ‘really’ overhear them. I am a poor audible person and with the two ways of information sources, my mind found difficulties to divide the attention (although I didn’t want to know what they were talking about, but because I understood the language, my mind automatically processed the information, plus I needed extra concentration because my listening to German was not so good). Trying not to be rude, I applied every non-verbal language I could think of at that moment to tell the two women.

Ten minute later I gave up.

I decided to be a little bit assertive. I asked the two women not to talk too loud. The younger woman turned and looked at me. Her brows were raised closer, her left part of the lips were raised. Her head were raised a little bit. She rolled her eyeballs to the left, looking at me one more time. But after that, they decided not to talk and communicate using their Blackberries.

A ha!

Being assertive was not that bad at all. I got the silence for almost all the lecture until I heard a regular “triiiing” – typical BBM tone. But since it was almost at the end of the lecture and the ringtone didn’t break my attention, I could only shake my head everytime I heard the “triiiing” sound, again, with the hope they realized what they were doing.

After the lecture, I was relieved that I was finally free from the disturbance. I stood up and decided to go to toilet. I was waiting for the next person when the same woman looked at me disgustedly and furily from the line to the lunch table. It was the younger woman who sat behind me. I tried to smile but it didn’t seem to help. Everytime she had a chance, she looked at me, with the same expression. She and her family were talking to somebody working at the Embassy.

Maybe she thought she knew somebody important here and I didn’t have the right to tell them what to do in a meeting? Or who the heck was this new guy trying to tell me what to do in my territory?

Let me tell you girl, you are a representative of your country. Know the common courtesy and show a good image of an Indonesian. That will help creating good image of Indonesia abroad. Knowing somebody important in the Embassy doesn't mean you can do whatever you like. This rule applies everywhere, girl.

Okay, even if you thought my request was too direct and feel offended, hello??? How long have you been living in Berlin if you are not used to the openness and directness of Berliners? You may maintain all your values from Indonesia but if you don’t try to adapt and adjust to the new culture, believe me, you are not going anywhere.

Till we meet again.