A Tooth Fairy's Tale

When I was studying in the States, we were required to do some sort of assignments called “reflexive questions”. It consisted of several questions about activities you have done and how you felt and what benefits or loss you might conclude from the experiences. The purpose: do something, learn from it, which in the end, learn about yourself. That, plus the great possibility that I suffer from histrionic personality disorder (really, the more I think about it, the more I am sure I have a personality disorder), makes me reflect on what has just happened to me and the reason behind it.

Some of you who have known me for quite a long time – especially if we went to seafood restaurants quite often – might have seen me crushing crab shell or opening a bottle of beer or biting off a label tag with my teeth. You might have felt the pain within yourself, as if YOU yourself had done one of those things.

Well, last weekend I had toothache (again, the same tooth for probably the last three years). I knew it clearly, as it has always been, that I wasn’t fit. This particular tooth was filled when I was in the high school. And everytime I am dehydrated or about to catch a cold, it hurts, as if giving me signal that I need to pay attention to my body and health. I took it for granted. I drank a lot of water, slept or recuperated myself as soon as I noticed the signal. Good thing is: the pain went away as soon as my body was fit again.

But, this time, things are different. The pain stayed put. It dragged my gum since Thursday (or probably Wednesday) and didn’t go away until Monday, regardless what I did to reduce it. On Tuesday, I decided to see a dentist, which I believe is not anyone’s favourite thing. The dentist decided to drill a hole in that tooth so that the heat, as a side effect of inflammation on the gum, to break out from my mouth. I had to go back the next day. He couldn’t pull it out as the inflammation was still there. “Come back tomorrow and hopefully it is fit enough to be pulled,” he said.

On the next day, I was ready and so far three dentists have handled me. The newest dentist tried to pull the whole tooth. This is understandable as it takes shorter time, less work and everybody is happy. But he failed.

“I need to cut the tooth into two so that I can pull each part of the root,” he explained.

I looked at the four surgery lamps above me with the hope that they could blind all my senses. Maybe this is why people hate going to see dentist.

He finally cut it and tried one more time. I don’t need to explain how it felt like when he hold the half-tooth and made a circular movement. He couldn’t do it, either. Oh, good. Then came the second doctor, a rather cool one with ponytail. He took a look and took over the surgery. Oh, man, I bet he does weightlifting quite regularly. I even felt numb on my anaesthetized left jaw when he finally pulled out one part of the tooth.

Thanks. That helped.

The new doctor continued the work. After a little more efforts, he finally took the second part.

Oh, thank God.

“Wait, what is this part?”

Wait. What?

“There is something more. Be patient, we’ll be finishing soon,” he looked at me smiling, trying to soothe me.

After the cracking and wooshing sounds from the machine, the tooth was finally gone. And here comes the explanation.

“Your tooth has three roots, that’s unusual. As you may have known, most teeth have two roots only,” he showed me a picture of anatomy of tooth. “We didn’t see it on X-ray because the film is two-dimensional, and this one hide behind the other.”

“Another thing that makes our surgery today a little difficult is that the root is not pointy at the end as the usual root. Yours are a bit thick at the end. Imagine pulling a bended nail,” he smiled.

As a bonus, I was allowed to see my tooth before it was thrown away. I saw at least six pieces bloody calcium. 

What a tooth!

After that I kind of thought to myself: That is why, I was able to bite off those hard things. Some of them might have more than two roots. I felt grateful that I decided not to wear a brace seven years ago. Maintaining my uniqueness is more important than having the same look like others as I might be defined by my teeth.

Eternal Rivalry and The Victim

One, who is a psychology student or having interest in psychology, should know Sigmund Freud.  Well, in case you don’t know, he is (or was, I am having difficulties to decide which tenses to use) the founding father of Psychoanalysis – once one of  the popular fields in psychology. And his fundamental theory about personality is the Id, Ego and Superego. Some people, including me, have difficulties differentiating those three, which are responsible for our behavior. Some of you may argue that his theory is outdated. But believe me, if you trace deep enough through the modern psychology, you will come back to these famous three.

Okay, enough about psychology and Freud. Let’s talk about those three directors of ours. Id is the part of you, that wants to enjoy the life as pleasantly as possible. That includes all the hedonic urges in you – hunger, sex, buying expensive but unimportant things. On the other hand, there is the police of the mind – the Superego – who regulate or limit the Id so that you don’t live like animals or simply destroy yourself with those desires. So, everytime you want to do something - or behave - these two legendary rivals will fight, or I should say, negotiate. Imagine the devil-and-angel thing like in films or cartoons. The result, or the treaty, of the negotiation is the Ego, things you finally express in your behavior – smiling and say no when a stranger gives you something or nod your head in front of your parents although you didn’t agree with what they say.

And of course, there come times when your Id is so strong but your Superego is surprisingly diligent in doing its work. For example, you want to swear (name all the derogatory words, mostly marked with derog. in a dictionary) but your social values don’t allow it. One thing I find interesting is how our Ego turns out to be, accommodating the hateful feeling yet socially accepted.

Instead of saying the word that means excrement, some people say “Shoot!”, with the same intention and tone of swearing, of course. Some replace the word which means sexual intercourse with “Fudge!”. If you are following the series How I Met Your Mother, you will learn many replacements – such as surgeon for a person who hasn’t had an intercourse or witch as in wicked witch to refer to seducing, annoying behavior of a woman or sandwich as a reference to the leaves that is illegal in most part of the world. In this way, they are safe from trouble: when somebody got mad, they could say, “I didn’t say the bad words.” At the same time, their loath was expressed.

Some people go smarter. Instead of showing one forbidden finger, some show three fingers with the caption “read between the lines”. Or pretending to rub their chin or eye, but the only active finger is that particular finger – as for this one, some do it subconsciously – and here comes another theme: defense mechanism. Oops!

Remember: there will always be a negotiation between Id and Superego within you. And the result is your Ego, for example, this article (and the avoidant of some words, oh, you know what I mean).

Common Courtesy

If you are attending a meeting, a lecture or a conference in a hall, what are the common courtesies, especially regarding the noise?

Would you talk your friend sitting next to you every two minute or so?

No.

Even if you wanted to talk, would it be about the on-going lecture or mostly something totally unrelated to the topic?

Preferably regarding the topic: something I don’t understand, something I find interesting, something I want my friend to discuss with me later on.

Would you turn your phone to silent mode?

Yes. But sometimes I forgot and the host reminded the audience. It would be very embarrassing if my phone rang when the hall was silent.

If you didn’t know how, would you ask your daughter or somebody else to help out?

Good idea. My daughter might understand the gadget better than I do.

Even if that didn’t help, would you turn it off instead?

Uh, yes. I decided to attend the meeting, lecture, etc. That means I have already dedicated my time to the event. Unless something really urgent took place, other things going through my phone should wait.

Good. At least you know what the common courtesies in the meeting hall are.

Unfortunately, some Indonesians do not know these courtesies, at least in the event I was in today. Let me tell you more.

Every last Sunday of the month, there is a ‘sarasehan’ (discussion forum) at Rumah Budaya Indonesia (Indonesian Cultural Center) in Berlin. People (mostly German) who had been (or currently) living, working or studying in Indonesia are invited to share their experiences. It is a good way to learn about Indonesia, which is very rich in cultures and natural resources. And today’s topic is Makassar and I found this very interesting because as a person living in west part of Indonesia, Makassar and eastern Indonesia is as foreign as Timbuktu to me.

It started (surprisingly) on time with a guest speaker from Jakarta, a staff from Educational and Cultural Minister, proposing and asking feedback for government's plan to disseminate Indonesian Cultural Centers in several countries.

And so I was sitting quite in the middle row because the first 10 rows were occupied. Behind me sat two Indonesian women. One was in her 50-60s. Another one was in her 20s, probably her daugther. They were sitting next to the guest speaker’s assistant. As soon as the assistant left the seat, the two women started to discussed whether or not the assistant were married, whether or not she had close relationship with some prominent figures in Indonesia. They stopped when the assistant was back.

As the second speaker started to speak, the two women also started their own conversation. At the beginning it was about what the speaker was talking about. Oh, the speaker spoke German and without microphone. So, one of the women might not understand that well and need some explanation. Since my German is not good enough, I need to really listen, too.

Ten minute later, the women changed the topic: where to go on the weekend? why was A so late? what to buy for the house? Started to feel annoyed, I looked back with the hope they understood and stopped talking. Previously, a German woman had given the same look to them. They looked at me back, smiling. Good. They seemed understood my non-verbal language. Oh, I am glad I study psychology.

Two minutes later, the same thing happened again. I moved my chair a little bit forward, again, with the hope they understood I was disturbed. I wouldn’t care should they spoke some languages I didn’t understand. But I understood Indonesian and their voices were audible without me having to ‘really’ overhear them. I am a poor audible person and with the two ways of information sources, my mind found difficulties to divide the attention (although I didn’t want to know what they were talking about, but because I understood the language, my mind automatically processed the information, plus I needed extra concentration because my listening to German was not so good). Trying not to be rude, I applied every non-verbal language I could think of at that moment to tell the two women.

Ten minute later I gave up.

I decided to be a little bit assertive. I asked the two women not to talk too loud. The younger woman turned and looked at me. Her brows were raised closer, her left part of the lips were raised. Her head were raised a little bit. She rolled her eyeballs to the left, looking at me one more time. But after that, they decided not to talk and communicate using their Blackberries.

A ha!

Being assertive was not that bad at all. I got the silence for almost all the lecture until I heard a regular “triiiing” – typical BBM tone. But since it was almost at the end of the lecture and the ringtone didn’t break my attention, I could only shake my head everytime I heard the “triiiing” sound, again, with the hope they realized what they were doing.

After the lecture, I was relieved that I was finally free from the disturbance. I stood up and decided to go to toilet. I was waiting for the next person when the same woman looked at me disgustedly and furily from the line to the lunch table. It was the younger woman who sat behind me. I tried to smile but it didn’t seem to help. Everytime she had a chance, she looked at me, with the same expression. She and her family were talking to somebody working at the Embassy.

Maybe she thought she knew somebody important here and I didn’t have the right to tell them what to do in a meeting? Or who the heck was this new guy trying to tell me what to do in my territory?

Let me tell you girl, you are a representative of your country. Know the common courtesy and show a good image of an Indonesian. That will help creating good image of Indonesia abroad. Knowing somebody important in the Embassy doesn't mean you can do whatever you like. This rule applies everywhere, girl.

Okay, even if you thought my request was too direct and feel offended, hello??? How long have you been living in Berlin if you are not used to the openness and directness of Berliners? You may maintain all your values from Indonesia but if you don’t try to adapt and adjust to the new culture, believe me, you are not going anywhere.

Till we meet again.

From Paris With Love: O-esyiki

Minggu lalu saya berkesempatan mengikuti perayaan O-esyiki (upacara peringatan moksyanya Buddha Nichiren Daisyonin, upacara tahunan terpenting bagi umat Nichiren Syosyu di seluruh dunia) di kuil Shingyoji di Prancis. Berikut adalah kesan saya selama upacara dan perbandingannya dengan upacara yang diadakan di Indonesia.

18 Okt 2012 – Tiba di Paris

Berhubung hanya ada dua kuil di Eropa, yaitu di Prancis dan Spanyol, semua umat di sini “harus berkelana” ke salah satu kuil untuk mengikuti upacara yang dipimpin oleh Bhikkhu. Kemudian saya tahu dari salah satu umat Prancis bahwa Bhikkhu pimpinan kuil di Spanyol sedang sakit dan sudah kembali ke Jepang. Praktis, seluruh umat di Eropa hanya punya satu pilihan.

Saya dan seorang teman dari Medan memutuskan untuk berangkat dari Berlin menggunakan budget airline. Maklum, kami hanyalah mahasiswa dengan pendapatan pas-pasan. Perjuangan saya sendiri diwarnai dengan denda sekitar 40 Euro ketika ingin mencari tahu letak bandara. Pelajaran: kalau memang jodoh saya harus menghabiskan uang sejumlah tertentu, tidak ada cara untuk menghindarinya.

Kuil Shingyoji terletak di 25 Rue Carnot, Montreuil, Prancis. Montreuil adalah daerah pinggiran kota Paris, bejarak sekitar tujuh kilometer dari pusat kota. Kami sengaja mencari hotel yang dekat dengan kuil. Alasannya, lebih praktis dan bisa ditempuh dengan berjalan kaki sekitar 10-15 menit.

20 Okt 2012 – Upacara Ottaya

Karena acara gongyo sore diadakan pada pukul 15:00, kami pun mengarah ke kuil sekitar satu jam sebelumnya, setelah makan siang di daerah pecinan Paris. Dari statsiun terdekat, Croix de Chavaux – M9, kami harus berjalan mencari lokasi kuil. Untunglah kami punya peta di tangan dan dengan bantuan Google Map, kami berhasil menemukan kuilnya.

Melihat bentuk kuil di Prancis, gambaran saya tentang kuil agak terganggu karena kuil-kuil di Indonesia dan Jepang yang pernah saya lihat rata-rata berupa bangunan besar dengan ornamen-ornamen khas kuil seperti bentuk atap dan ukiran-ukiran. Kuil di Prancis terlihat seperti rumah penduduk lainnya: dua tingkat, berpagar dan bergarasi. Ketika melihat gambar kuil melalui Google Map, saya agak ragu sebenarnya. Tapi ketika tiba di tempat dan bertemu dengan orang-orang yang ramah dengan sapaan “Bonjour”, saya yakin bahwa kami tidak salah lokasi.

Di meja resepsionis, kami harus mendaftar ulang dan menitipkan jaket atau tas kepada penerima tamu. Umat tidak membayar untuk mengikuti upacara seperti di Indonesia, karena di sini tidak disediakan penginapan dan makanan berat. Juga tidak ada acara pertemuan atau kesenian seperti di Indonesia.

Ruangan gongyo terletak di lantai tiga. Sayang sekali, gongyo telah dimulai ketika kami tiba sehingga harus puas duduk di lantai dua dengan menonton dari televisi kecil yang disediakan.

Selesai gongyo dan sambil menunggu upacara Ottaiya pada pukul 16:30, kami pun berkenalan dan mengobrol dengan umat-umat dari negara-negara lain di Eropa. Sebuah pengalaman menarik bertemu dengan orang-orang yang percaya hukum agama Buddha di negara-negara yang didominasi agama Kristen. Kemudian saya tahu bahwa ada sekitar 200an umat dari Prancis, Austria, Belgia, Jerman, Italia, Serbia, Spanyol dan Swiss yang turut hadir dalam perayaan O-syiki kali ini.

Sekitar 15 menit sebelum upacara dimulai, panitia memberitahukan peserta untuk segera memasuki ruangan gongyo. Umat di sini agaknya lebih tertib dan teratur karena dalam sekejap, taman di belakang kuil yang tadinya ramai tiba-tiba menjadi lengang.

Saya pun naik ke atas, memasuki ruangan gongyo yang berukuran sekitar 4x10 meter. Tidak seperti di Indonesia, umat di sini berdoa dengan duduk di kursi panjang yang disusun berderet. Tiba-tiba saya teringat dengan vihara di Medan. Ruangannya cukup besar namun umatnya sering mengeluh viharanya terlalu kecil dan tidak terjaga.

Sekitar 100 orang mengikuti upacara Ottaiya. Ada yang datang sendiri, bersama pasangan atau keluarga. Melihat umat-umat yang semangat, saya jadi malu sendiri karena jarang gongyo di rumah.

Upacara harus dilakukan dua kali karena ruangan tidak cukup untuk menampung semua umat yang hadir. Karena tidak ada acara lain setelah itu, kami pun pulang sementara umat lain mengikuti upacara shift kedua.

21 Okt 2012 – Gongyo Pagi, Upacara O-esyiki dan makan siang

Gongyo pagi dimulai pukul 8:00. Karena bangun agak telat, kami harus buru-buru berjalan kaki tanpa sarapan terlebih dahulu. Untunglah kami tiba tepat waktu. Selesai gongyo, kami disuguhkan teh atau kopi.

Upacara O-esyiki shift pertama diadakan pukul 10:00. Kami mendapat shift kedua yang diadakan pada pukul 11:30. Sambil menunggu, umat berpindah ke bangunan di seberang sambil menonton video Tozan Umat Luar Negeri 2009. Karena rasa lapar yang tak tertahankan, saya memutuskan untuk keluar sambil mencari sarapan dan melihat daerah sekitar kuil dan berhenti di sebuah kedai kopi sambil mengamati kegiatan orang-orang di pasar tradisional Prancis.

Saya kembali ke kuil untuk mengikuti upacara, yang lebih kurang sama dengan upacara di Indonesia. Yang saya rindukan dari upacara di Indonesia adalah acara salam-salaman dan cipika-cipiki sembari mengucapkan “Selamat O-esyiki”. Sepertinya itu memang budaya khas Indonesia.

Selesai upacara, umat-umat berpindah ke gedung sebelah yang lebih besar untuk acara makan siang. Sepertinya gedung itu memang sering digunakan untuk acara lain seperti acara kesenian atau pemutaran film. Sambil menunggu, umat-umat bisa menonton video atau melihat galeri foto kegiatan umat Prancis. Sekali lagi, saya terkesima dengan keseriusan umat-umat di sini dalam melaksanakan hati kepercayaan.

Sekitar pukul 13:00, Y.A. Nakano, pemimpin kuil Shingyoji yang juga pernah bertugas beberapa tahun di Indonesia, memasuki ruangan. Seperti di Indonesia, umat-umat sangat antusias untuk mengobrol atau berfoto bersama. Umat-umat Indonesia yang sudah tinggal di Eropa pun tidak ketinggalan.

Salah satu hal yang menarik di sini dan tidak saya temukan di Indonesia adalah acara kan-pai atau bersulang. Setiap umat mendapat segelas kecil wine dan Y.A. Nakano membuka acara makan siang dengan memimpin kan-pai. Menu makanan juga khas Eropa: salad, keju, daging ayam, sejenis bruschetta (potongan roti dengan topping) dan cocktail snack. Acara makan siang seperti acara standing party. Umat mengambil makanan dan mengobrol sambil minum atau makan. Saya sendiri minum sekitar empat gelas kecil wine dan segelas kecil liquor sampai sedikit mabuk.

Pukul 16:30 diadakan gongyo sore dan pembagian bunga sakura kertas. Umat-umat pun pulang sembari menggenggam setangkai panjang bunga sakura berwarna merah jambu. Khas  O-esyiki. Ada beberapa umat yang ditanya warga sekitar tentang bunga tersebut dan mereka dengan senang hati menjelaskan tentang Buddhisme. Umat-umat pun kembali ke hotel atau langsung kembali ke negara masing-masing.

Selamat O-esyiki.

Foto bersama Y.A. Nakano, Vera Kusuma, Stephen dan Kirana

Urban Jazz Crossover 2012: Very Indonesia

Performers of Urban Jazz Cross Over 2012 Jakarta

As you entered the hall of Fairground (SCBD, Jakarta), you know that you are going to experience jazz in a new different way. You saw a lot of people waiting in line; the door to the concert hall wasn’t opened yet despite it was almost 7 p.m. You looked at the ticket you bought for IDR 100,000. It was written: concert starts at 7:30 p.m. Never mind, you said, it was Friday(13/7) night anyway.